Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Chudley's Boycotting Boobs

He's on strike... A nursing strike that is. I haven't the foggiest idea as to why, but 3 days ago he decided to make life for both of us very difficult by refusing to eat. He even started waking up at 3 a.m. again and I believe it's due to this strike. So, I decided to call the La Leche League today so I could talk to one of their breast feeding consultants about this issue. This woman I talked to told me it could be because he's teething and suggested I get on my hands and knees over him on the floor and plop my boob in his mouth like a cow would the next time I feed him. I'm supposed to do what? EVERY TIME?! you can't be serious.... She said to would relieve the teething pressure or something to that effect.

I'm sorry kid, but if that's the only way you're going to take my boob, we have got to re-examine this 1 year breast feeding contract. I think the contract is considered null and void the second I have to get on all fours. So, as any good, guilt ridden mother would, I pulled all the shades, locked the nursery door & got down on all fours. Jake just looked up at me and started squealing and giggling like I was Coco the Clown. Even my child finds this completely absurd. Needless to say, it didn't work so I'm back to square one. What happened to the Jake I knew that would nurse for 30 minutes like he was at his own private pub, burp and then pass out?

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate pumping? Because of this strike, I've had to pump in order to keep from drying up. It hurts and it makes this humiliating sound. It actually makes this MOO-eeee sound which confirms the feeling that you are just this big cow attached to some medieval bovine milking machine. I would imagine this device was probably invented by some dimented dairy farmer who hated women. As I sit in the living room feverishly pumping away with the shades drawn, I watch my little nipples get sucked into 6 inch long purple versions of what the once were. And after a half an hour of that, I get to put my sad little shot glass of milk in the refrigerator for safe keeping. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. Is a better immune system and IQ really that important??? Would this so called devil juice other people call formula really ruin my child's self esteem and his ability to stave off ear infections? I sit and ponder this as my poor nurps get stretched in and out of the pump. Hopefully this strike will pass and we'll resume nursing happily like we once did. But for now, MOOOOOOOOOOOO-eeeeeeeeeeeee.

1 comment:

Aunt Kat said...

Dear Queen TMI, it's good to hear you tell it like it is! As for me I love T M I, give me more.