Monday, September 29, 2008

Say "CHEESE"

So I just picked up Jake from Preschool and when I got home I found this in between his art projects...


Behold, THEE WORST SCHOOL PICTURE EVER. It's just so sad... in so many ways.
The school, unbeknownst to me, had picture day last week on some Caribbean Island. Did I put any effort into his stylish look that day? I don't think I even ran a comb through his hair. What can I say, I'm new at this whole school picture thing. You got to at least appreciate all the accessories he's got going like the sling, the band-aide and that damn pink ball that not even the photographer could pry out of his vulcan grip. I chuckled to myself when I saw that there was an order slip for extra prints and a yearbook. So, if anybody wants to get their hands on a copy and hang this up on their wall, let me know!
All I can say is, sorry Jake, I'll try to do better next year.

Friday, September 26, 2008

WHAT THE #$%^

Holy crap... where to even begin with this one. Are you sitting down? If not, please sit your butt down and hold on to your hat while I tell you what I am about to tell you....

JAKE'S ARM IS ALL BETTER. BETTER AS IN - WAS NEVER BROKEN.

TURNS OUT, IT WAS HIS COLLARBONE THAT WAS BROKEN.

WHICH IS ALL BETTER NOW TOO.

I know, so many questions. Apparently, they never noticed the break in the collar bone up until yesterday when they looked at the new X-rays he just took. Now that it has healed, they we're able to spot the calcium deposits around the fracture. I have nothing else to say about this for the moment. Still digesting.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A conversation I had with Jonathan last night about the economy

Me: "So, what if the US Dollar tanks and a loaf of bread starts costing like $6000, then what?"

Jon: "We'll just have to learn to live off the land, buy some chickens and maybe a cow."

Me: "How will we buy chickens?"

Jon: "I'm guessing at one of those farm auctions."

Me: "Let me rephrase. How will we AFFORD to buy chickens? What will we trade or sell? the cats?"

Jon: "Sex."

Me: "Are you talking about prostituting for chickens? I bet you'd love that."

Jon: "Oldest profession and soon to be the new form of currency. I think you'd have to be the breadwinner, no pun intended, of the family though. You would definitely get more chickens."

Me: "Thanks honey, I feel better knowing you've got this all figured out."


Disclaimer: WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED AND WOULD NEVER REALLY RESORT TO PROSTITUTION. STRIPPING, NOW MAYBE.

Monday, September 22, 2008

now wait a minute.... seriously

I'm going to get up on my wobbly soap box and speak my mind about something rather controversial. I'm not putting this out there to change anybodies mind, I only want to raise awareness.

First, let me start off by saying that I am pro choice. However, I do believe there is a line when the procedure becomes barbaric. While I think that there are absolutely some legitimate reasons for getting a abortion (like a mothers life is at risk, molestation, rape, extremely underage, etc.), unfortunately, those reasons are not the only reasons people have them.

Anyway, here's the whole reason for this post. There is this widely unknown practice called Induced Labor Abortion or Live Birth Abortion. Babies under this procedure, who sometimes survived an earlier abortion attempt, are born alive by induction during the 2nd and sometimes 3rd trimester and left to just die. Basically, they either suffocate or starve to death and sometimes, completely alone. The babies are also usually issued both birth and death certificates upon arrival. Honestly, doesn't this sound a little bit like murder? I'm just sick over this and wish there was a "pro choice for medical or psychologically legitimate reasons, under 8-12 weeks" stance. Unfortunately, this issue seems rather black or white. I think a lot of people are just unaware that this practice even exists and think abortion only happens during the first trimester.

I'm not getting all anti Obama, who has 3 times voted to support this practice, because I think there are a lot of issues like the war, the economy & the environment that are incredibly immediate issues. Let's face it, if we don't deal with that and the wrong people get in office, we all might be dead. However, I do think there should be pressure on Obama to have this practice banned. I think he is flat out wrong about this. see below.





Wednesday, September 10, 2008

boobs be gone

Chloe, against my best efforts to force my boob in her mouth, has decided to wean herself recently. I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty bent up about this. I actually cried in my Corn Flakes this morning while watching Jonathan give her a bottle. It's hard to accept that your baby has moved on, and now prefers some synthetic cow concoction over you. Breastfeeding for me has been a somewhat magical, deeply moving experience. Not magical in the sense that I have pixie dust shooting out of my bosoms, but magical because I can comfort someone almost instantly and that to me is really powerful. I'll miss that. That, and that curvaceous, breastfeeding body that I barely got to know.

I'm trying to look at the bright side. It's kind of liberating I guess. No more boob shaped maxipads inside my Communist, factory worker inspired bra. I'll no longer suffer the wrath of the hairy eyeball of disapproving, anti-breastfeeding people. I'll never accidentally walk out of the house with my nursing bra straps still unfastened, hours later realizing this and remembering the strange stares from the people in the supermarket checkout line.

And the girls, although smaller, are all mine (Jonathan's) again. I've been bound to this kid for 6 months without any break. Chloe and I still have our nice little morning feed, which I'm assuming she likes more for comfort than nourishment, and I'm fine with that. In fact, I'd be the first to admit that the feed is probably more for me than her. This weekend though, Jonathan & I will get away for our anniversary to Vegas for 2 FULL NIGHTS AND DAYS without kids which will probably wean her off that morning feed too. So, I guess this milk cart is pretty much closed for business. sniff. Maybe now I can go a whole 10 minutes without saying boob. It's been boob this, boob that and what not for the last 6 months and I think we're all a little happy for that to end. OOOOh, and I can drink as much as I want now too! Where's that bottle of Chardonnay? The girls deserve a drink!

6 months


It goes so crazily fast that it's no wonder we're all just a little bit edgy. One day you're six months old and you're learning to crawl backwards, and then all of a sudden you find yourself in line at the DMV.

She's the most gorgeous, alert baby you ever saw in your life. Everyone says so. She's that baby that enters the room and everyone notices. You know the type. Her legs and head are huge. Gigantic. Enormous. I take that as a good sign. She's usually always smiling and is my little ray of sunshine during this crazy time. She still doesn't realize that she might be homeless in a few weeks. The way this rental house hunting is going, we'll be buying a house on wheels and renting our driveway from the new owners. 

Anyway, as I said, she's starting to crawl which is both exciting and scary. It's sort of sad too. I've truly enjoyed these past months of being able to just plop her down on a playmat and not worry that she'll end up in the fireplace. Those days are pretty much over and the days of motility, in other words, never leaving the room to even pee, are here. This seems to be coming around much sooner than it did with Jake. I think he waited until around 7-8 months before he decide to take off. I tried telling her that crawling is over rated. Hard on the knees. She just responds, "SPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBB."

She's also, I think, amazingly intuitive. She seems to sense bad people, bad moods, or bad places and signals by completely dissolving into tears. Once the offending situation is gone, she's fine. For example, this happened just yesterday. We went to look at a house that was for rent and as soon as we walked through the front door, Chloe started whimpering. She only got worse as we continued the tour. By the time we got 3 rooms in, she was totally beside herself. I just kept reassuring the landlord that she was just tired and hungry, however, she had just had a solid nap and ate right before we arrived which usually guarantees a great mood. Oddly enough, once we walked out to the back yard, she was fine. The same meltdown played out when we walked back through, but again was cool as a cucumber once we left the house. 

Lucky for Chloe, we're not going to rent that house. There is obviously more to that decision than just Chloe's opinion, like the peeling brown and yellow lead paint in the kitchen, the mold smell & the heater that came from the Titanic. Still, her reaction just didn't sit well with me.  Maybe, she's one of those spooky indigo children who we'll have to send to some special school out in Sedona, where she can practice Reiki and learn about auras. 

So, along with backwards crawling & a well developing sixth sense, she's also a avid solid food eater now. However, while she's been eating great for the last 4 weeks, this last week she's discovered a new trick, sticking her tongue out at every opportunity. Especially while eating.  Spoon goes in, tongue goes out.  It's like she forgot how to eat. For some reason, I find this hilarious and at the same time, worrisome. Since I'm a chronic fretter, I automatically now assume that she's got some sort of oral/motor issue. Any thoughts?

Friday, September 5, 2008

Sad Growth Plate Fracture to Humerus Bone

So yesterday, I worked my magical skills of complaining and begging and was able to get Jake in that afternoon to see the Orthopedic surgeon which was one day sooner than his original appointment. I had changed my mind about him getting in a cast and decided that it would be the only way to keep my VERY active 2 yr. old from doing more damage to his poor little arm. As it turns out, they are not able to cast in that location and the only thing they could do for him was to find him a sling small enough to wear. One decorated with mice no less (picture to soon follow). So for now, we've sort of jury rigged his sling with some velcro to keep Jake from pulling it off (I love that stuff, so many uses). At least it kind of inhibits the use of that arm. I'm just so nervous that it won't be enough and he'll still find a way to hurt it more.

I feel so completely helpless because he obviously just doesn't get it and continues, against my best efforts, to run around like a monkey on crack, tripping and banging his arm into things along the way. I feel like I need to find some heavy duty, industrial strength, could hold down a rabid elephant, velcro and stick him to the wall. That, or some ritalin. I'm kidding, I'd never drug my kid.

We'll go back in 3 weeks to check the progress of his healing and I'm praying with everything in me that it all heals well and he doesn't end up with a growth issue, causing him to have a 2 yr. old arm on an adult body or an adult arm on a 5 yr. old body. I guess, at least, if it did end up accelerating growth and he ended up with some crazy monkey arm, he'd make a damn good goalie or catcher. Sadly though, any dreams of ever stealing Michael Phelps' world record would be dashed because he'd only be able to swim in a circle.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I like...

I'm now a fan of this blog - Z Recommends 

all this about the Carters tagless clothing is particularly bothersome. Both Chloe and Jake have worn them, but luckily have fared much better than some of these other babies.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Sad Elbow Revisited

Just an update on Monday's incident...

So after all that, the "re-adjustment", the x-rays, and a day of watching, we noticed Jake still isn't using his arm normally. He can pick up a ball but won't throw it. So, while at his Pediatricians follow up appointment today, I heard some shocking news about what the UCLA Radiologist had found. Apparently, they ended up diagnosing him with something completely different after we had left the ER. They now think it is a growth plate fracture or a Salter-Harris type 1 fracture to his humerus, the bone that runs from his shoulder to his elbow. This type of fracture is almost impossible to see on an x-ray so, I'm guessing, this is why it took two radiologist several hours to figure this out. The really nice ER Doctor that treated Jake did call us yesterday and this morning and had mentioned that if he wasn't getting any better, which he should have if it were nursemaid elbow, it might be this type of fracture but never even hinted that it was indeed a fracture.

As any parent can imagine, we are absolutely beside ourselves with questions and hardly a clue as to how this happened. I'm guessing maybe he fell out of bed Sunday night and just hid this really well until we noticed it on Monday. Some kids just mask pain really well. Thankfully, like I said, his arm isn't totally immobile as he can pick things up. I'm REALLY, REALLY hoping that the Orthopedic Surgeon won't decide to cast him, but we'll just have to wait and see. This type of injury can cause stunted growth and/or deformities if it doesn't heal properly. So, for now, just please say a little prayer for Jake. He (we) will need it.

Monday, September 1, 2008

sad elbow


otherwise known as nursemaid elbow. We had a scary moment today involving this dubious injury... When we got home from Toys R Us today to buy a potty, we noticed that Jake was no longer using his right arm and was holding it close to his body. While he wouldn't raise or straighten his arm, he also wasn't crying or acting like he was in pain. The only thing different about him was the fact that he refused to use his arm. It was obvious that something was really wrong.

So, we took him into the ER where he was diagnosed with this nursemaid elbow thing, and was subsequently treated with a re-adjustment, a green popsicle, and a Motrin. According to the ER doctor and everything else I've yet read, this is a pretty common injury with toddlers. However, usually it is caused by a child being picked up by his arms or a sudden pull on the arm and we don't recall anything like that happening. I do remember holding his arm to walk him across the parking lot in front of Toys R Us, but he wasn't resisting so I wasn't pulling and, as I recall, he seemed completely fine once I let go. Jonathan and I also never pick him up by his hands except during the occasional game we play where he'll jump or swing between Jonathan & I, but we didn't do that this morning and we'll certainly never play that game again after this. Like I said, the ER doctor reassured us that this is a VERY common injury for toddlers and it can easily happen on its own without any obvious reason. That makes me feel a little bit better, but I still just wish I knew what caused it. For all I know he could have dislocated his elbow by riding in the shopping cart. God knows I'm hell on wheels in a store. Very strange.