Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Slow as Christmas

and I'm not talking about mental capabilities... Well, not really. I'm speaking of the manner of which Jacob tends to move whenever time is of the essence. It's like, he's on warp speed most of the time but when we're in a hurry or late, he sssssslllllllllloooooooooooooooooowwwwssssssss dooooooooooooooown. Sometimes he just stalls, and other times he'll even act as if he doesn't hear me. I'll go, "Jake, please come here and wash your hands.... Jake....... JAAAAKE. Hello? HEELLLOOOO JACOB. PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS. No, don't comb your hair. WASH YOUR HANDS. Please honey, GET OVER HERE AND WASH YOUR ^&%$$%$ HANDS!".

When eating breakfast (or any meal), it usually takes the best part of an hour because he just dawdles. Mostly, he sings. It's like he thinks it cabaret and he's the star of the show. While Chloe might be thoroughly entertained, I find it hard to not to pull out every hair on my head. So, I end up using that time slathering him with sunscreen, getting his shoes on and pleading with him to finish his breakfast. I've tried threatening, shoveling food in his mouth, bribing with cookies and being the epitome of nonchalance, but nothing makes a difference... He just doesn't get the sense of urgency in any way. And I guess, why would he. He has no concept of deadlines or appointments. He just takes his time to smell the roses. EVERY SINGLE ROSE.

There might be a simple explanation on why males move so slowly when pushed, hear me out. I was talking to someone recently who said that boys brains just work differently. And while this wasn't exactly news to me, the reason did surprise me. She said boys brains lack certain connections that woman's brains have. Something about their left and right brain hemispheres not being distributed as evenly and therefore certain connections between the sides just don't exist so it takes them longer to process that someone is yelling at them to hurry up. It's like they have some sort of genetic disposition that causes them to move through time and space at a snails pace. At least I know that there is a legitimate explanation and the males in my life really aren't ignoring me. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. So, while I quietly go bonkers inside my head, my boys just keep happily and obliviously smelling roses. I guess, maybe, I should too.


Addie's Mama said...

addie is the queen of procrastinating but at bedtime. this is why Cap deals with her now while I do wii fit.

Catherine said...

no one listens in my house either, and think - i'm surrounded by the creeps. i have a book called 'the wonder of boys' that actually says boys (men) truly don't hear as well as women. of course, it's written by a man.
so anyway to remedy some of the talking to the wallness that occurs here, i make them look at me when i speak. except now when i'm ignoring little tayloe after he asks me for chocolate milk for the 100th time, he yanks on my pants and says, "MAMA! Look. At. ME!" we're doomed.