Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Things You Do for Love

Posing with "Mr. Recycle"

looking right at home on her new fork lift.

The thought bubble over Jakes head would read

Today we headed down to the West Los Angeles Bureau of Sanitation for a stinky good time. Jake loves himself some garbage trucks and practically fainted with glee when he saw 50 or so of them lined up for his own amusement. Seriously. There were at least 50. All covered in ick and my son was out of his mind, happy about it. He climbed on them, honked their horns & pushed many a button. Not to worry, like any good germaphobe mother, I was well armed with a bucket of hand sanitizer and obsessively sanitized every square inch of his body once the whole fiasco was over.

How to Accessorize Properly

When in doubt, make it pink!

Chloe's favorite thing on in this world besides Oliver the cat and her bunny is this shiny pink purse. She has clutched it going on 4 days now. Where ever we go, it goes. The sunglasses have also since become another of her favorites. I have tried to take them away but she will look at me like, Oh NO YOU DIDN'T!, followed by a fit of epic proportions. Hey, I guess if Jack Nicholson can get away with indoor sunglasses, so will she.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Fathers Day!

Hats off to all of you hands on dads.
Today we celebrated just that.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Jake and Mr. Hyde

photo taken about an hour ago

Jake, oh Jake, how sweet you can be, but then the moon comes out and I wonder what happened to thee. Where do I come up with it? I don't know. So, moving on....

Please help me understand this, the terrible twos are supposed to be over when? Because, I'm not seeing any lights at the end of any long noisy tunnels.

You see... anyone who knows Jake, knows he has two sides. Happy, sweet, thoughtful Jake and, well, Mr. Hyde. Tantrums are a very normal and frequent occurrence at our house even with all the good vibes I've been exuding lately. I know, completely unappreciated. I barely flinch these days. Jon and I are typically at a constant state of tantrum alert, ready to instate the operation extinguish tantrum routine which is still not fully perfected.

So, I just reassure myself and everyone else in his path that he's just passionate... About EVERYTHING. He can go from a normal volume to earth shattering decibels in seconds. His motto is, when in doubt, scream at a pitch that will make my mother's face melt. He can completely loose it over anything. ANYTHING. Doc says it's just the terrible twos. Uh, hello, he's three. I expected way more maturity by now. He is getting better though. Better meaning he'll only tantrum for 25 minutes instead of an hour or more.

The classic situation happened yesterday. All of us headed outside for a nice walk during a brief break in the June gloom. Jake was on his tricycle which has a push handle to help us help him steer. We have been using the push handle because he hasn't quite mastered the art of peddling and steering yet, that is, until yesterday when he insisted on peddling and steering all by himself. While we were happy to let him try, it was becoming apparent that this would be a very long walk. He'd peddle a few feet and then end up in the gutter or a flower bed & get stuck. He'd try to get unstuck, accidentally knock over the trike in the process and follow that by screaming which we thought meant he wanted help. Turns out, screaming is really code for "back off and don't you effen even think about helping me or I'll throw myself on the ground, roll around, arch my back and scream in the gutter all the while passers by gleam disapproving stares our way."

SO GLAD WE DECIDED TO DO THIS. Remind me the next time I have some crazy, hairbrained idea to go for a walk to instead rip my eyebrows off. That, of course, would be WAY more fun.

Or there is always the food issue. I'll serve a perfectly tasty meal for him and what could have been a pleasant dinner together is instead an hour filled with "I CAN'T", "I WON'T" and "NO MOMMY, NO THANK YOU." Sorry, champ, no points for being polite while screaming at me. All because I had the audacity to serve him anything other than a waffle, which in case you didn't know, is a recipe for unspeakable horrors.

Jake's pediatrician has reassured me that these outbursts are "normal" and that he'd be worried if he didn't have them. After witnessing one of Jake's "outbursts" in the waiting room, though, I really wanted to ask him if he had ever seen a more "normal" kid than Jake. The advice was also to just ignore him and let the tantrum run its course. Tried that and the unanimous conclusion is: does not work with Jake. We tried the 1-2-3 magic until we're blue in the face and that seems to be working SOMETIMES. If I were at home and was at the point of dropping him off downtown with a sign around his neck that said "best offer or FREE", I'd instead opt to pick up his twitching and shrieking body, carry him off to his bedroom, close the door and safely listen from the other side until he was done flinging himself around the room in a hysterical fit. The neighbors have actually asked if he's ok.

If that wasn't enough, Chloe is showing signs of the terribles already. When I say sign, I mean LARGE NEON BILLBOARD SIGN. The age of independence and assertiveness has offically begun and is not helped by the fact that she has 2, 4 or 15 teeth all coming in at the same time. Any inconvenience, and by inconvenience I mean not letting her eat cat food, is followed by the bottom lip quivering and then quickly escalates into throwing herself on the floor (sound familiar?), back arching and some crying and whining. Thankfully, not quite with the ferociousness of Jake, but still remarkable in it's own right. The ignoring works a bit better with her because right after starting, she'll take intermittent breaks to look up and see if anyone is watching the show. If there is, she'll continue said show. Such a drama queen. Who on earth does she get that from?

So when does this agony end? Is there ever an end or does it just manifest itself in different ways. I keep hearing that 4 is the new 2. WONDERFUL. And then there's always my well meaning mother's favorite comment,"Just wait till they're teenagers".

Friday, June 5, 2009

box car

give a kid a box.....

... and you'll wonder why you spent all that money on the toys they completely ignore. This little homemade car entertained them for a few days before disintegrating into a corrugated heap. Time to order more diapers!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Little Shop of Horrors

For the record, if I ever again have to hold down a freaked-out-hysterical-no-way-in-hell-will-I-let-this-person-touch-me preschooler while at the dentist, I'm running for the hills or checking my self in to the Happy Valley Mental Institution. In other words, I'm electing Jon next time.

We have been talking with Jake a lot about the dentist leading up to this appointment. I was dreading what I knew was coming. After all, you just know your kid. There was no way in hell that he was going to just lay back and let some complete strangers prod around in his mouth. But regardless, it had to be done. I finally decided on a highly recommended local pediatric dentist, crossed my fingers, said a prayer and made the appointment.

Monday was the big day so we, meaning Chloe & I, took Jake in for his very first dental checkup and got way more than we bargained for. He had 3 cavities. Honestly, when we first got there, cavities never even entered my mind. Denial? Perhaps, but I just didn't think a three yr old could have so many. Okay, maybe one, but certainly not three! I think the reason why I wasn't thinking about cavities was because I seemed to escape the first 14 years of my life without a single one. I know! And my mom didn't start brushing my teeth until I was like 3, so go figure. I ALREADY know, I'm a freak of nature. And before I get any really annoying emails about brushing methods or bla bla bla from all the teeth experts out there, I brush my kids teeth morning and night. I may not score points in the meticulousness department but I don't think anyone really does with a 3 year old.

I kind of felt like a horrible mother. As irrational as this is, I felt a bit paranoid too. Like they MUST be thinking that I have been neglecting his teeth and force feeding him candy and root beer ever since he could chew. My mind was bouncing from feeling guilty to pure, unadulterated fear. Fully knowing that this meant fillings, which meant Novocain, which meant a huge needle, which meant OH MY GAWD! So, I knew they'd have to knock him out in some way which is luckily what they do anyway. Apparently, my 3 year old wasn't their first. They convinced me that if they did sedate him, he wouldn't remember a thing. He'd be awake, but hopefully calm enough to let them poke and prod.

So, fast forward to today. Jake was given a mild sedative to help relax him and then some nitrous oxide (I know, so jealous) which, if anything, got him through the x-rays and the first filling. When it came to the last two, I swear he was levitating. It took all of my weight and every ounce of strength, including the dentist and her assistant to hold down his convulsing 34 lb. frame.

Thankfully, the dentist was really patient and sweet with him considering she had to hit a moving target with such precision. $435 and many tears later, the traumatized dentist offered my traumatized kid a cheap plastic toy and an 85 cent toothbrush. She then proceeded to tell me that I needed to supervise him constantly all day, even when he sleeps, to make sure that he's breathing and not swallowing his tongue. That, and no lollipops.

Sedatives starting to take affect just in time for x-rays!!

hitting the good stuff and off to fluffy little clouds.

first filling, so far so good.

post dental nightmare w/ new cheap plastic lizard and blanket friend in hand.
poor baby.